Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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