Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
