The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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