Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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