if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
