Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
