Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
