i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
