I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
