:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
