Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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