Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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