so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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