Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
