hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
