How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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