When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
