You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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