Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
