C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
