i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
