Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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