I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
