She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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