I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
