Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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