Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
