I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
