If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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