my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
