Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
