Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
