We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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