After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize