new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
