sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
