The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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