You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
