It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
