I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
