I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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