Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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