You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
