The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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