i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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