peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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