I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
