I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
