I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
