I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
