God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
