I heard we made out
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
