It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
