we have pet lesbian snakes
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
