im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
