My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
