Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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