i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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