What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
