I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I still have a little drunk in my system
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
