is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
