A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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