So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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